| Then | Now |
|---|
| If you smoked, you had an ashtray on your desk |
If you smoke, you get sent outside and treated like a leper, if you're lucky |
| Mail took weeks to come to the ship |
If the ship is near land, there's a mob topside to see if their cell phones work. |
| If you left the ship it was in Blues or Whites, even in home port |
The only time you wear Blues or Whites is for ceremonies |
| You wore bell bottoms everywhere on the ship |
Bell Bottoms are gone and 14 yr-old girls wear them everywhere |
| You wore a Dixie cup all day, with every uniform |
It's not required and you have a choice of different hats |
| Say "DAMN," people knew you were annoyed and avoided you |
Say "DAMN," you'd better be talking about a hydro electric plant |
| The Ships Office yeoman had a typewriter on his desk for doing daily reports |
Everyone has a computer with Internet access and they wonder why no work is getting done |
| We painted pictures of pretty girls on airplanes to remind us of home |
We put the real thing in the cockpit |
| Your girlfriend was at home, praying you would return alive |
She is on the same ship, praying your condom worked |
| If you got drunk off duty, your buddies would take you back to the ship so you could sleep it off |
If you get drunk off duty, they slap you in rehab and ruin your career |
| Canteens were made out of steel and you could heat coffee or hot Chocolate in them |
Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat them because they'll melt, and anything inside always tastes like plastic |
| Our top officers were professional sailors first; they commanded respect |
Our top officers are politicians first; they beg not to be given a wedgie |
| They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it |
They collect our pee and analyze it |
| If you didn't act right, they'd put you on extra duty until you straightened up |
If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever |
| Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own |
Medals are awarded to people who show up for work most of the time |
| You slept in a barracks, like a soldier |
You sleep in a dormitory, like a college kid |
| You ate in a Mess Hall or Galley; it was free and you could have all the food you wanted |
You eat in a Dining Facility; every slice of bread or pat of butter costs, and you can only have one |
| If you wanted to relax, you went to the Rec Center, played pool, smoked and drank beer |
You go to the Community Center and can still play pool, maybe |
| If you wanted a quarter beer and conversation, you could go to the All Hands or Chief's or Officer's Club |
The beer will cost you three dollars and someone is watching to see how much you drink. |
| The Exchange had bargains for sailors who didn't make much money |
You can get better merchandise and cheaper at Wal-Mart |
| If an Admiral wanted to make a presentation, he scribbled down some notes and a YN spent an hour preparing a bunch of charts |
The Admiral has his entire staff spending days preparing a Power Point Presentation |
| We called the enemy things like "Commie Bastards" and "Reds" because we didn't like them |
We call the enemy things like "Opposing Forces" and "Aggressors or Insurgents" so we won't offend them |
| We declared victory when the enemy was dead and all his things were broken |
We declare victory when the enemy says he is sorry and won't do it again |
| A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people |
A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt |
