U.S. Navy Then and Now

Then	Now
If you smoked, you had an ashtray on your desk	If you smoke, you get sent outside and treated like a leper, if you're lucky
Mail took weeks to come to the ship	If the ship is near land, there's a mob topside to see if their cell phones work.
If you left the ship it was in Blues or Whites, even in home port	The only time you wear Blues or Whites is for ceremonies
You wore bell bottoms everywhere on the ship	Bell Bottoms are gone and 14 yr-old girls wear them everywhere
You wore a Dixie cup all day, with every uniform	It's not required and you have a choice of different hats
Say "DAMN," people knew you were annoyed and avoided you	Say "DAMN," you'd better be talking about a hydro electric plant
The Ships Office yeoman had a typewriter on his desk for doing daily reports	Everyone has a computer with Internet access and they wonder why no work is getting done
We painted pictures of pretty girls on airplanes to remind us of home	We put the real thing in the cockpit
Your girlfriend was at home, praying you would return alive	She is on the same ship, praying your condom worked
If you got drunk off duty, your buddies would take you back to the ship so you could sleep it off	If you get drunk off duty, they slap you in rehab and ruin your career
Canteens were made out of steel and you could heat coffee or hot Chocolate in them	Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat them because they'll melt, and anything inside always tastes like plastic
Our top officers were professional sailors first; they commanded respect	Our top officers are politicians first; they beg not to be given a wedgie
They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it	They collect our pee and analyze it
If you didn't act right, they'd put you on extra duty until you straightened up	If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever
Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own	Medals are awarded to people who show up for work most of the time
You slept in a barracks, like a soldier	You sleep in a dormitory, like a college kid
You ate in a Mess Hall or Galley; it was free and you could have all the food you wanted	You eat in a Dining Facility; every slice of bread or pat of butter costs, and you can only have one
If you wanted to relax, you went to the Rec Center, played pool, smoked and drank beer	You go to the Community Center and can still play pool, maybe
If you wanted a quarter beer and conversation, you could go to the All Hands or Chief's or Officer's Club	The beer will cost you three dollars and someone is watching to see how much you drink.
The Exchange had bargains for sailors who didn't make much money	You can get better merchandise and cheaper at Wal-Mart
If an Admiral wanted to make a presentation, he scribbled down some notes and a YN spent an hour preparing a bunch of charts	The Admiral has his entire staff spending days preparing a Power Point Presentation
We called the enemy things like "Commie Bastards" and "Reds" because we didn't like them	We call the enemy things like "Opposing Forces" and "Aggressors or Insurgents" so we won't offend them
We declared victory when the enemy was dead and all his things were broken	We declare victory when the enemy says he is sorry and won't do it again
A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people	A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt